I know, I know, I haven’t been on here in awhile but the reason is that this semester, my classes were a lot tougher. Towards the ends, I had papers, projects, tests, and final exams and it slowly became a lot to handle. I write this now from the comfort of my bed and the freedom of winter break (hallelujah!) as I have just finished all of my finals as of yesterday and received my final grades.
Here lately, specifically to one class, I felt like my teacher was being difficult, the work was getting harder, my grades were going down, and my academic self-esteem was getting lower by the minute. I never had time to do things I wanted to do, instead having to prioritize everything I needed to do. Especially when December came and I just wanted to do Christmas things. Basically, there was all of sudden no time for anything anymore and I had my fair share of meltdowns these last few weeks. Now, I am not writing this to brag or whatever in anyway, more so I am writing this for me to look back on when things get tough. School has always been my thing. I love school, I love learning, and school has always come fairly easy for me. I even chose education as my major! That is not to say I have never had to work for my grades because I definitely have always worked for my grades very hard. But its never been anything like what this one class was. I worked so so hard in this class that my grades in other classes started to slip. I was so mad at myself, at the world, and just really down. I had to write a huge research paper with many different parts and by the time I finished it, I felt like it was the worst, most haphazardly-written paper I had ever done. I was not very confident in it (which I usually am) but I was so mentally burnt out and 100% done that I turned it in. Then came the final and a few other assignments and I surprised myself with how well I did on that.
Today I finally saw my grade. My grade on the paper, my grade on the other small parts, and my final grade. I was very nervous because I didn’t want my GPA to drop, since so many things I have lined up are dependent on it, and just a pride thing. My jaw nearly fell off my face when I saw my actual grade. I don’t want to give specifics because I don’t want this to sound like I’m bragging. I don’t remember the last time I felt this proud of myself. I jumped around the house, singing and dancing, going crazy. I worked really really hard to make a good grade in that class, even though I honestly thought it was a lost cause. I prayed to God just to ease my mind and let me feel like everything was okay.
I am here to say to you, anyone who is reading this, and also, Ariana in the future looking back on this. If you ever have a time when you feel really beaten down, tired, done, and just very low in what you are trying to achieve, do not quit. It will work out. It will pay off. Keep going, give it your all, even if its just %50! If %50 is all you have, use it! Things will work out in your favor, even if its not immediate. Just keep going and keep praying. Have faith in yourself.